


i'm a step behind you (wherever that may be)

by cb97



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Doubt, the ending isn't too sad tho, this is just a really self indulgent drabble sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5966929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cb97/pseuds/cb97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it starts as nothing more than wonho finding hyungwon sitting quietly on his bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm a step behind you (wherever that may be)

**Author's Note:**

> listen i wrote this in like twenty minutes and i didn't get it proofed so bear with me on this 
> 
> also i love chae hyungwon i hope he knows that he's wonderful and perfect and awesome i only wrote him like this because i have a lot of feeling about the about the amount of love he receives.

it starts as nothing more than wonho finding hyungwon sitting quietly on his bed. he has his legs crossed and hands held tightly together, and his gaze is fixed on the sheets right in front of him.

the first time, wonho asks what’s wrong and gets an _it’s fine, i’m just thinking._

when wonho asks minhyuk about it, minhyuk shakes his head and tells him that it’s normal. hyungwon does it a lot.

hyungwon walks out of the room not thirty minutes later with a calm smile on his face. the uneasiness in wonho’s stomach doesn’t cease.

-

the second time around, wonho asks if he needs company and hyungwon just shrugs. wonho leaves the room.

he’s worried, as he always is. hyunwoo takes care of them better than he ever could, but wonho has taken it upon himself to make sure everyone’s doing well, feeling happy.

when hyungwon emerges, his eyes are half shut and his smile doesn’t quite match the tired look in his eyes.

-

the third time, wonho walks in and looks at hyungwon for all of three seconds before he walks right back out. he pretends not to hear hyungwon’s sharp intake of breath right before the door closes behind him.

-

it happens a few more times, over the span of two weeks. wonho will walk inside and find hyungwon in the exact same position, hands clasped, completely still. he always walks out. hyungwon never brings it up.

he knows he’s scared for hyungwon, but that’s all that he actually _knows_ . he doesn’t know how to tell hyungwon that he wants to understand what’s happening, that he wants to figure out why hyungwon always seems so _tired_.

(he sees hyungwon’s hands reaching for kihyun’s a lot more. it doesn’t bother him. it really doesn’t.)

-

 _hyungwon,_ wonho realizes eventually, _he’s too aware of his surroundings._

wonho notices, during an interview, that he stands with his back straight, as if a yardstick was being held against his spine. his arms are always held down in front of him, his hands are clasped tightly together. (wonho cringes when he sees hyungwon’s knuckles turn white.)

wonho sees this, this _awareness_ in hyungwon’s frown. his lips turn down softly at the ends, barely quirked into a frown when he’s out of view from the cameras. it’s like he _knows_ exactly what every single person behind that camera is seeing, what they’re thinking, what they think _of hyungwon_.

and wonho knows, hyungwon knows, everyone knows where he stands. they know that kihyun’s vocal ability will always outshine hyungwon’s.they all know that hyungwon’s an amazing dancer. but, they also know that hyungwon won’t receive the same attention for it that hyunwoo does.

hyungwon is far too aware of it all. wonho comes to that conclusion just as the cameras shut off. he decides that’s all he really needs to know to try and help.

-

he sees the awareness that hyungwon has when it’s the three in the morning and he walks out to get a glass of water, only to see hyungwon sitting on the countertop in the kitchen, staring at the wall.

wonho walks over, and pulls himself up onto the counter next to hyungwon. he sits there for a minute, looking up at the clock. hyungwon leans into his side, but only slightly.

(wonho feels his shirt dampen with each passing _tick_ of the clock. he doesn’t like the feeling.)

“you’re good, you know that?”

and wonho remembers why he came out to the kitchen, because his throat is dry and his voice is rough and quiet when he asks that question. so much so that he wonders if hyungwon could even hear him until he says something back, words mumbled into wonho’s shoulder.

“i _know_.”

and his voice isn’t as beaten as it should have been. it’s clear and steady and completely certain. it’s there, that exhaustion. hyungwon _knows_ . he’s so _aware_ of it. he’s good, but not as good as kihyun. he’s good, but he’s not as good as hyunwoo.

“i’m good. i’m not as good as you.

 

oh.

 

“ _oh.”_

hyungwon laughs. (it’s dry, slightly bitter.)

  
“don’t take it the bad way, i know you’re doing that. i’m not underestimating myself. i just, think too much, is all.”

wonho sighs. he doesn’t know how to comfort people, that’s what minhyuk is good at. he sits there, quietly, with hair tickling his nose and a soft cheek pressed into his arm. he sits there, for god knows how long, with his hand slowly finding it’s place on top of hyungwon’s.  

-

the clock says it’s eight in the morning when wonho is woken by a soft hand shaking his shoulder. he opens his eyes groggily to find that he’s on the couch, with hyungwon’s body draped over his. kihyun’s hand rests on his shoulder, and he shoots a small smile down at wonho.

kihyun points at the table by the couch, where he’s placed two cups of coffee and a plate of food. wonho mouths a silent _thank you_ , as not to wake hyungwon. kihyun nods and smiles, walking back off to the kitchen.

wonho tightens the arm he’s got wrapped around hyungwon and smiles.

he likes hyungwon like this. he seems at ease, peaceful. blissfully unaware.

**Author's Note:**

> what is pacing??? i do not know
> 
> pls come cry w me about hyungwon [on tumblr](http://hyunsoeng.tumblr.com)


End file.
